Aggressively Inarticulate: How to Empower My Child's Voice?
Having something to say and knowing how to say it are two different skills. Helping children communicate clearly, confidently, and with conviction gives them the ability to stand up for themselves without resorting to aggression.
BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ: For the last couple of years I’ve been showing some of my students and parents this YouTube video of Taylor Mali. Taylor Mali is a poet, teacher, voice actor and more generally, an observer of the human condition.
How the Way We Speak Affects Self-Confidence
One of his best observations is the slow death of the declarative sentence. Not only have I seen this type of vocalization ‘in the wild’ of my classes, but I find this trend of verbalization to be detrimental to one’s self-confidence.
In Totally like whatever, you know?, Mali points to our tendency to attach invisible question marks and “you know?” to statements that aren’t actually questions. His challenge is simple and powerful: “To speak with conviction.”
What Does Your Voice Have to Do With Self-Defense?
So what does language have to do with self-defense?
For one, when used properly, the voice is a powerful tool to control distance, and to express our intent. It can project authority and even put fear in the minds of some of its recipients. Think of a bark, a growl, the roar of a lion or a drill instructor.
Awareness and Verbal Self-Defense
As regular readers know, I run my school/dojo on three main principles: discipline, awareness and organization.
Only when one is aware of a stranger, can one begin to discover the intent of a stranger. Once the intent of a stranger is discovered, then one can vocalize their own intent and concerns.
Why Children Need to Learn to Speak Assertively
When someone adopts a verbal posturing akin to Mali’s poem, they are seen as pushovers. Needs are not met accurately, timely or consistently by being passive aggressive, mealymouthed or interrogative.
If a child feels meek, sounds meek and looks meek, then he will not feel like he is worth protecting. If the child feels as if his will and position in life is always at question then he can only be affirmed positively or negatively by others and never by himself.
Teaching Children to Speak Clearly and With Confidence
It is important for children to learn to speak clearly and firmly as early as possible. Claiming space with their voice and posture not only shows others where they stand, but it makes them feel like they are worth standing up for.
Verbal Self-Defense at White Tiger Dojo
At White Tiger Dojo in Berkeley Heights, NJ, we teach our students that self-defense is more than learning how to respond physically. Knowing how to stand, speak clearly, establish boundaries and communicate with confidence can sometimes prevent a situation from ever becoming physical.