Are We Undermining Your Child's Training? Belts vs. Skills

BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ: In the last 10 years of my 30 years of teaching, one thing I've seen facing parents and kids alike is the advent of ROI (return on investment) and the anxiety over achieving a "rank" rather than learning and earning a skill that will prepare a student for all of life's twists and turns.

As things become more expensive, people start weighing their kid's "success" by dividing the external reward they "get" by the time and money the parent invests in a given activity.

The difficulty with this thought process is that it encourages a child to rely on outside forces, or what psychologists call an external locus of control.

External vs. Internal Locus of Control: Who's Really in Charge?

An external locus of control attributes success and failure primarily to luck, fate, and other people instead of oneself.

If I teach my students with a bend toward an external locus of control, I'm setting them up to develop a victim mentality.

Because this type of student believes they have less influence over their outcomes than luck, fate, and other people's decisions, they may be more likely to feel helpless and passive about their lives.

They may be less likely to think things through, critically examine their own behavior, and make positive changes on their own.

Imagine this student as a bobber on a lake.

The external pressures from the fisherman moves the bobber effortlessly in whatever direction someone else chooses.

Conversely, a student encouraged to develop an internal locus of control, which is how we teach at WTD, is more like the fisherman on the other end of the line.

These students know they are responsible for their own actions and understand how those actions influence their outcomes.

They ask questions.

They catch me when I'm being facetious, specifically to see who's paying attention versus who's just "going with the herd" with no forethought.

At WTD, I don't want students blindly accepting everything I tell them. I want them to think independently, question what they hear, and develop their own judgment.

Why Martial Arts Rank Should Follow Skill, Not Replace It

At WTD, we emphasize critical thinking and skill acquisition, and then putting that skill under increasing amounts of pressure so the student becomes competent, self-reliant, and confident with each skill they learn.

Once they feel confident, the rank acknowledgment is nothing more than a signpost of where they have already found themselves.

If we make rank the goal, then the process isn't about becoming confident.

It's about bobbing around until fate, luck, or apparently I intervene and simply anoint them with a new rank, as if giving the rank will somehow imbue skill.

Over the years, when I've seen a student acting this way, I simply hand them my black belt.

I might even tie it on them.

Then I simply say:

"Now you're just like me, so you could fight me to a draw, or maybe even beat me, right?"

They might have a giggle, but they quickly realize they are not where I am, and the belt cannot magically make it so.

That's why I believe that learning to handle failure is just as important as learning to succeed.

The belt doesn't create the skill. The skill earns the belt.

Why Some Children Take Longer to Earn Their Next Belt

In short, I think it gets harder and harder as parents age to realize just how long it took to get where they are in life.

What looks "logically" and "obviously" easy for an adult, while looking through the glass, might take weeks, months, or even years for certain students.

This is not to say that there is something wrong with the student who takes longer.

I've seen some children struggle early on and then take off like a rocket ship.

I've also seen incredibly talented students do the exact opposite.

They were so incredibly successful learning the early curriculum, and then became stumped by something they deemed "easy."

These students need just as much guidance as the former group, just at a different point in their evolution.

A student's rate of progress is not necessarily a reflection of their potential.

It's a reflection of where they are in the learning process at that particular moment.

Why I Teach All My Students the Same Way, Differently

When I talk to parents whose child is struggling to earn their next rank, they often ask me:

"Why is it taking so long for them to test for their next rank?"

As is my custom, at this point I have probably sent at least one video of what their child is struggling with.

I then ask them a seemingly silly question:

"How long have you been in your current position?"

As you might imagine, this provides perspective.

Everyone moves at their own pace.

Even someone getting paid to do a job might take months or years to move on to a new and "better" position.

However, that person is unlikely to move forward if they believe their advancement is entirely dependent on luck, fate, or someone else's decisions.

They have to recognize what is within their control, take responsibility for their development, and do the work necessary to improve.

Our children deserve the same opportunity.

They deserve to learn that success isn't something someone gives them. It's something they build.

And this is why I teach all of my students the same way, differently!