Failing is Natural, Giving Up Should Not Be: How Do I Help My Child Through Frustration and Failure?
Failure is a natural part of learning, but quitting doesn't have to be the response. Children develop resilience when we help them face frustration, adjust their approach, and discover what they're capable of through continued effort.
BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ: I’m a big fan of TED talks, and recently watched one by Adam Grant called “The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers”, a talk on ‘original thinkers’.
What inspires me most about talks like these is that every attempt to climb the so-called “mountain of success” is fraught with the possibility of failure
And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Martial Arts Teaches Students How to Deal With Failure
I often use the following metaphor whenever I explain the essence of martial arts study to a new student:
Martial arts is the art of swimming in a sea of failure in search of the shores of success.
The simple act of choosing to swim in this sea of failure is a good sign that a student wants to change themselves for the better.
You won't execute every technique correctly.
You won't understand everything the first time.
You won't always perform as well as the person standing next to you.
And sometimes you'll discover that something you thought you understood still needs work.
That's part of training.
Adversity Can Help Build Character
Once a student accepts adversity as a tool to help shape their character, they can begin to find pride in grinding off the “rough edges” of instant gratification and expectation in favor of sharpening their intellectual and physical “edges” with perseverance and patience.
Failure becomes less threatening when you stop treating it as evidence that you aren't capable.
Instead, it becomes information.
What didn't work?
Why didn't it work?
What can I change?
What do I need to practice?
And then you get back in the water.
Resilience Comes From Experiencing Both Failure and Success
The seesawing nature of failure and success soon becomes a normal part of training and, hopefully, a normal part of life.
Where certain adversity might once have sidelined a student, adversity and failure can eventually become fuel for motivation and a foundation upon which dreams of success are built.
That's one of the most important lessons martial arts can teach.
Success isn't the absence of failure.
Very often, failure is how we get there.