If You Know It, Show It: How do I Instill Values and High Standards in My Child?

BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ: In any athletic endeavor, you'll find a set of standards that mark different levels of competency along the way toward mastery.

But standards only have value if they mean something.

If a skill is important today but never expected again tomorrow, students eventually begin to wonder why they learned it in the first place. Standards become arbitrary. Skills become disposable. Accountability disappears.

At White Tiger Dojo, our standards have value because we expect students to continue demonstrating what they've learned.

And everyone is held accountable for those standards.

Including me.

Children Learn Standards by Seeing Them Applied

We have a tradition in the dojo that if students catch me or one of my assistants making a mistake, we have to do a burpee.

For the uninitiated, a burpee is that wonderfully unpleasant combination of dropping down, doing a push-up and jumping back up again.

Students love this tradition considerably more than the instructors do.

But there's a reason for it.

It encourages students to pay attention.

I want them to be aware enough to recognize when something doesn't match what they've been taught. I also want them to see that everyone makes mistakes, no matter how old you are, how experienced you are or what rank you wear.

Accountability Means the Standard Applies to Everyone

More importantly, I want our students to understand that it's okay to make a mistake as long as you're willing to acknowledge it and accept the consequences.

In this case, the standard happens to be accountability.

And nobody skates by.

Not even when the lead instructor and owner gets called out by a four-year-old.

Especially then.

There's something wonderfully humbling about doing a burpee because an astute toddler was paying closer attention than you were.

But that moment does something else too.

It empowers the student to observe, question and critically think about what they're being taught.

That's one of the most important standards a student can develop.

High Standards Should Encourage Children to Do Their Best

When it comes to self-protection, the consequences of our decisions can be considerably more serious than they are during practice.

There may not be an instructor standing nearby to stop the situation, explain what went wrong and let us try again.

That's one reason the mindset developed through martial arts can be so valuable.

Students practice paying attention.

They practice making decisions.

They make mistakes, accept correction and try again.

Over time, the goal is for “always do my best” to become a habit rather than something an adult constantly has to demand from them.

And once that becomes a habit, children can begin approaching challenges outside the dojo with the same mindset.

Knowing Something Isn't the Same as Being Able to Show It

We live in a world where information comes cheaply.

A few taps on a smartphone can give us an answer to almost anything.

But having access to an answer isn't the same as possessing knowledge.

True understanding eventually has to be demonstrated.

Can you show me?

Can you explain it?

Can you apply it?

Can you defend why you believe it has value?

That's where information begins becoming knowledge.

High Standards Help Build Self-Mastery

The habits developed in the dojo shouldn't remain in the dojo.

Awareness.

Accountability.

Critical thinking.

Effort.

The willingness to admit a mistake and correct it.

These aren't simply martial arts standards. They're habits that can influence how a student approaches school, relationships, work and eventually adulthood.

When students can demonstrate what they know, understand why it matters and hold themselves accountable for what they do with that knowledge, they begin taking responsibility for their own development.

And that is one of the first steps toward true self-mastery.